12-19-2012, 05:46 AM,
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rashton83
Member
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Posts: 51
Threads: 11
Joined: Oct 2008
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Anxiety?
Anyone else feel a lot of anxiety when they first started?
My first day was rough since it was a stock piece that had too high density, I was freaking out, thinking it looked ridiculous and too much of a drastic transition - but after figuring out how to use product to make it look "thinner" and pulling some hairs out, it looked OK.
I have not been to work yet but the girlfriend and parents have been around it. I told my girlfriend I decided to stop using the concealer and she seems to not know. She has said things like my natural hair is darker (than the concealer) and made recommendations on where to get it cut and said I should get highlights. My mother just commented on the shininess (since I'm using a lot of leave-in conditioner to make the stock piece look thinner). I plan on keeping this a secret, although if/when I decide to get married I will let her know. Seems like the best thing to do?
Totally freaked out about work though and how people will react. No one ever commented on the concealer but I KNOW they were thinking it as it was pretty obvious since I used so much. It did give the illusion of hair though, even though it looked weird. But I couldn't do that forever and don't think I could pull off the shaved look at all.
I've been going through periods of slight depression/stress. I guess I am depressed because it's that moment where I realized I was tied to this and couldn't really go back now. It's a realization that I have a "problem" big enough that I have to put this thing on my head that isn't natural. And of course, it's tough at first to get past the social stigmas associated with wearing.
My hair loss started when I was just 15 and was very gradual so I've always had that feeling of inadequacy since I was so young when it started. My brother has full NW1 hair and is in his mid 40's and family members that lost usually did so into their 40's so it was tough. I'm now in my late 20's but kind of wish I did this earlier. But I'll be the first to admit that it gave me a complex due to the young age, so I'm not someone who's willing to "admit" to wearing and I want to keep it a tight secret.
In public I'm very conscious of the way I look. Is it natural, is the color obvious in certain light (I seem to feel like the stock piece is a tad more "yellow" than my natural dark-ash-blonde hair)... I notice people looking at me and wonder what the nature is.
I wear the hair forward and plan to use product so I hope it's 100% undetectable to sight.
So, overall, thinking about it constantly more than I want to, and I'm still rather nervous/anxious. I'm writing here because this is my only outlet. I've considered telling my girlfriend so I at least have an actual human being to talk to about it besides my stylist, but I'd just rather keep it a secret to everyone now.
That's why I'm writing here, just as a "support group" in these first few weeks/months wearing and to vent. At the end of the day, I don't want this anxiety and constant thoughts. I just want this to work/be undetectable and not think about it for 2-3 weeks at a time before I re-bond.
Did anyone else feel similar at first and how long did it take before the anxiety went down, and how long before you stopped thinking about it in general?
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12-19-2012, 06:07 AM,
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RE: Anxiety?
man....i totally feel what you're saying...I am not wearing yet as I am still struggle with the thinning hair and concelears and in the last years I felt the same as you. "I've always had that feeling of inadequacy since I was so young when it started."
sometimes I am telling myself..."fuck it I will shave my head, then when I am looking in the mirror with the hair concealed...I am saying myself that I need to do something regarding the hairloss and will never show the bald scalp...it is a fight inside of me that puts me often in depression.I have lot of friends ...95% of them have great hair...and I feel horrible about myself especially when they are joking about bald people.
I guess that once you will get used with the routine and the piece will look more natural you will gain more and more confidence...I mean...there are lot of guys that are wearing and feel great and look great...not all of them look great tough...just think that there's no other viable solution out there....can u post a picture of you to see your style and look?
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12-19-2012, 06:32 AM,
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OhioGuy
Junior Member
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Posts: 32
Threads: 12
Joined: Jan 2011
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RE: Anxiety?
Here's my question:
If your girlfriend and mom have no idea you are wearing, what on earth are you so worried about? They are probably the two people who see you the most. If a girlfriend can't tell you are wearing a hair piece, then you have nothing to worry about.
I would tell her though, maybe in another month or two. You don't want to tell her right away, but you don't want to wait until a proposal either. If she doesn't notice anything in a couple months, telling her should be easy enough and should not change a thing because, well, she never noticed in the first place.
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12-19-2012, 07:29 AM,
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RE: Anxiety?
My advice is to keep it from others until you are more comfortable about it yourself.
But, if you're going to get anxious and nervous around people, then they will react to you differently and then this will feed your anxiety.
It becomes a viscous circle.
To break that circle I decided to make my hair the best I possibly could, so that I became proud of what I'd created.
I still didn't tell anybody it was a wig, but I felt so good about the result, I convinced myself no-one would believe me if I told them the truth.
Which is exactly what happened.
I dare say your replacement hair looks a lot better than the concealers did.
So people will notice something is different/better, but they won't know exactly what.
Some will eventually work out its your hair that looks better and when they say so, it can feel awkward because its the last thing you want to talk about.
So be prepared for compliments and learn to accept them for what they are.
Get yourself a stock answer ready like "Thanks, I've found a new barber" or "I'm using a new shampoo". Anything will do, as long as you have it ready to say to get you through the moment.
As time goes on it gets easier and believe it or not, one day you'll even forget you're wearing it at all.
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12-20-2012, 04:00 AM,
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RE: Anxiety?
Learn to dye your own hair. Check the color match under all possible lighting scenarios in your home, incandescent, halogen, fluorescent, natural etc. Get the blend natural and use some product. Be vigilant about how it looks but not paranoid. Awareness is your friend, anxiety is your enemy.
That being said, I am an art dealer who has spent the last 12 years having to pay close attention to the tiniest of visual details. I can tell you with assurance that when this is done correctly, people cannot tell.
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12-20-2012, 11:14 PM,
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Mr.Burns
Senior Member
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Posts: 396
Threads: 36
Joined: Aug 2008
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RE: Anxiety?
I was really lucky when it comes to this topic, as I had been doing a life-changing meditation technique for about three years before I started wearing hair! So I guess I cheated a bit here.
My advice to anyone who wants to wear hear but feels anxious or worried about it is to try Vipassana meditation. It will blast away your worries and anxiety. IMHO it's the best way to help you deal with the initial hairloss/baldness, and then deal with the stress of getting a hair system and wearing daily. It isn't always easy, but meditation will give you a peaceful, balanced mind that will enable you to deal with things when it all goes horribly wrong. And believe me, in the first week or two of wearing, there will be times when it all goes wrong But if you can smile, laugh about it, and just keep trying, you will be ok.
With meditation, you will think about your hair less, you will worry less, you will enjoy life with hair. Because it really is all in the mind
The meditation technique is also offered totally free of charge by centers all over the world. I don't recommend the 10-day course if you have never done yoga or meditation before, but if you have, I would encourage you to try it: http://www.dhamma.org
If you haven't ever tried this sort of thing to still the mind, you can start easily online.
http://www.dharmanet.org/IM_lib_instruction.htm
check out the "guided meditation" link found on this page:
http://www.audiodharma.org/teacher/16/
more:
http://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/guide...tions.html
http://diydharma.org/guided-meditation-t...-bhikkhu-1
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12-21-2012, 08:45 AM,
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antywanty
Senior Member
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Posts: 698
Threads: 29
Joined: Aug 2009
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RE: Anxiety?
I kinda clung onto concealers way to long
To the point of,well very Little density left for the product to work with,
Is end up with a mound of concealer in.parts
Not my any means acceptable,
But when you're reaching desperation,you'll cling to anything to keep
The illusion of hair,
The Answer to fear my friend is knowledge,
The only way to gauge a reaction is to
Face it,
Its very hard,bloody terrifying in thethe Beginning
First few Weeks,month,
once youve encountered everyone you know from
from Intimate,to family,freinds,workmates.
You'll have a mental list of the people who haven't and have
Seen you're new look
Once you're through what is without a doubt the toughest phase
Its a bloody relief,
Bonding debonding,touch UPS are to be totaly
honest
A breeze,once you get into a routine,
Honestly,I've been wearing for just over two.years
I've got.my routine in.place,
I do a full debond once a month,
Maybe wash the back.of there's to.much.product build up
Sometimes I'll reflect the front half back do a front debond
Only
It s real hair, it looks amazing,
Yeah it's a pain a real pain doing a,full debond,
But I'll swear by this statement,
For all you're hard work,prep ,
Once the hair systems on,lined up,
And you're creating styles you thought you never ever
Would again, it's just such beautiful payback from
You're hair system,
enjoy
sorry was being lazy nlast night did this post on my mobile,
formattings a pain.
went through some spelling on the pc
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12-23-2012, 08:21 AM,
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KenJJ
Member
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Posts: 79
Threads: 6
Joined: Sep 2008
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RE: Anxiety?
There's always going to be some anxiety associated with wearing a piece. I've been wearing since 1982 and the anxiety I felt was virtually unbearable at times especially in the dating scene. As the years have gone by and I've found better hair wearing alternatives and settled down and gotten married I've relaxed and am at peace with wearing hair.
It's not easy overcoming the anxiety associated with hair wearing when you first start and some never do but it becomes easier once you get use to it. The key is feeling good about the system you're wearing so you're not worrying about being detected all the time. That can create paranoia which is something I went through early on.
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12-24-2012, 04:27 AM,
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rashton83
Member
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Posts: 51
Threads: 11
Joined: Oct 2008
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RE: Anxiety?
Always some anxiety? I hope that's not the case with everyone. I just want to forget about it while it's on.
Work was ok, most just complimented me on the haircut.
Still feeling depressed. Having a tough time not dwelling on it. I really don't want to.
I'm seriously considering telling my girlfriend even though I originally planned not to. I've known her for years. Do you all think it will help?
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