Quote:(These are thought questions, you don't have to answer them here.)

I have no problem to answer them here, it's good therapy for me.

She has many things that I like in her, she's always smiling, laugh from my jokes, very warm, smart, ambitious, comes from a rich family (so I don't need to impress her with money...), did the same degree as I did so we have things to talk about, similar to me she like pets, movies and doing sports.

The thing is, she is pretty superficial. She is obsessed with how she looks, and how other people look. Looks is so important to her... When I'm with her I'm kind of reducing myself to her level of interests... It's like my world is so much bigger than hers...

There is no question about it, if it wasn't for her impressive looks, I wouldn't have connected with her. In a way I am a prisoner of my desires...

And that someone with "impressive looks" finds you appealing is very validating. Unfortunately, the part of the brain that registers validation is wedged uncomfortably next to the part of the brain that feels (and anticipates) rejection. Lots of interesting psychology to comb through, or comb over. :lol:

At the end of the day, though, if there's no gray cell connection, the relationship is not going to last very long. Dare I say that it's easier to add hair than it is to add IQ points.

Quote:At the end of the day, though, if there's no gray cell connection, the relationship is not going to last very long. Dare I say that it's easier to add hair than it is to add IQ points.

I know. It’s not that she’s stupid, not at all. She was on the dean’s list of excellence last year (something else we have in common ). It just that when she doesn’t have obligations (like tests etc.) she *chooses* to occupy her mind at superficial things. She reminds me of when I was 16.

I have this other female friend, who looks less pretty than this one (still not bad though), but when I talk to her then OMG, I say to myself this is the type of conversation I want to have with the person I love, everything flows so smoothly, effortlessly, nobody is trying to be someone who is not, there is never a pause of silence even if we talk for hours. She also doesn’t give a damn about my hair, she wants to leave her boyfriend after years just for me… but the thing is I’m not attracted to her enough... If I could morph the good qualities of both these female friends I would have gotten myself the perfect female, flawless. Life is all about compromise I guess, making the right one…

Jonsey, What you say is kind of contradictory. One breath your saying shes the most ideal girl there is, in the second breath you are saying shes superficial with a mentality of a 16 yr old. try not to think with just your penis. A perfect girl goes way beyond looks. Mentality is a BIG part. Where I am from there are a lot of pretty girls with fun type personalities, but there mentality sucks ass.

my second comment is that, what you need to worry about is your own attitude, not the wig. I see guys who are fat, bald and ugly with the hottest girls all the time. Its their attitude that attracts females. I dont think you can go into this being overly worried or whinny about it. Have a sense of humor about it. Feel that you are attractive even if u shaved your head and sported a chris daughtry look. From my experience, you dont have to rush and tell girls that you wear a wig. It hasnt been necessary for me. when you find the right one who u know wouldnt care much cause she already likes you for you, then you can tell them. And if a bitch is that shallow that she wont like you just cause you wear a hair system, then thats great for you! Why would you want a girl that shallow. who cares if you wear a wig. There are millions of bald guys out there, and you chose to do something about it. that to me is a very insignificant thing for a guy.

My gf knows I wear, and she really doesnt give a shit. In fact it was her idea for me to get one in the first place. She knew that I would look better with more hair. And i have a good attitude about it with her. ill even make jokes about it myself, If its really windy out, and im with her ill say some shit like, damn it i hope this carpet doesnt fly off, and shell laugh about it and actually like the fact that I have a cool, non whinny attitude about it. I even make comments to her like, hold on the UPS guy is there, my new hairstyle comes in a box from china. Now even tho i have this carefree attitude with her, no one else knows that I wear. and i wouldnt want to go advertising it to everyone. Im not that open about it either.

How old are you, Jonesy? One of the things I've discovered in my advancing years is that perception of a person's appearance is far more influenced by one's personality than you would imagine when you're young. (This may seem obvious, but it becomes even more so as you mature.)

Your girlfriend's (let's call her that for convenience) obsession with appearance is, obviously, a window into her self-esteem, or lack thereof. In time, and not that much of it, the incessant need for approval becomes a cancer that overwhelms even the most breathtaking outer beauty. (I'm straining to remember hearing about some male celebrity who recently left his most gorgeous gf/wife for someone else.)

So let me close by slightly modifying what I said previously: It's easier to add hair to a balding head than it is to add emotional IQ to a damaged psyche.

Quote:Jonsey, What you say is kind of contradictory. One breath your saying shes the most ideal girl there is, in the second breath you are saying shes superficial with a mentality of a 16 yr old. try not to think with just your penis. A perfect girl goes way beyond looks. Mentality is a BIG part. Where I am from there are a lot of pretty girls with fun type personalities, but there mentality sucks ass.

I didn’t notice I was contradicting myself, sorry. I am aware of the importance of mentality, and this is why I said:

Quote:I have this *other* female friend, who looks less pretty than this one (still not bad though), but when I talk to her (to the less pretty one) then OMG, I say to myself this is the type of conversation I want to have with the person I love, everything flows so smoothly, effortlessly, nobody is trying to be someone who is not, there is never a pause of silence even if we talk for hours. She also doesn’t give a damn about my hair, she wants to leave her boyfriend after years just for me… but the thing is, I’m not attracted to her enough... If I could morph the good qualities of both these female friends I would have gotten myself the perfect female, flawless. Life is a compromise…

Quote:My gf knows I wear, and she really doesnt give a shit. In fact it was her idea for me to get one in the first place.

Wow you are lucky man. But you are right, the *right* girl will not give a shit if you wear or not, as long as it looks good, so I better be calm about it.

Quote:How old are you, Jonesy? One of the things I've discovered in my advancing years is that perception of a person's appearance is far more influenced by one's personality than you would imagine when their young. (This may seem obvious, but it becomes even more so as mature.)

Actually, I’m close to 30 (!). I’ve spent all of my 20’s out of the dating scene, mostly out of (or, let’s be honest, just because) insecurities related to my looks. My friends and family call me “the monk”. I actually look much younger so I don’t feel like I’ve lost too many years, and I didn’t really “lose” them, I dedicated myself to my career and got some good achievements.

What made me reconsider my “monk” status is that pretty girl I talked about. She made me realize I’m missing something that shouldn’t be missed, especially not for the reasons I gave myself.

My father told me recently (after he found out I’m going out with that girl) “Jonesy, I don’t know where have you been for so many years, you were fine until the age of 16, but then, at the age of 16, something happened”. Well, at first I thought what the hell is he talking about, why 16 ???, but then I remembered that exactly 14 days before I was 16 years old, for the first time I saw I was losing my hair, and the immediate thought that came to my mind is I’m going to look bad, very soon (as I said earlier I have a close family member who lost her hair very young, it started exactly when she was 16) . The sad truth is that almost 14 years later, I can still show a head full of hair (with a combover and some concealers), and still look decent, yet I still think I’m going to look bad, very soon (but now I can do something, for a change).

Quote:Your girlfriend's (let's call her that for convenience) obsession with appearance is, obviously, a window into her self-esteem, or lack thereof.

You are right, she is obsessed about her weight, obsessed about the condition of skin on her face (only 24…), I mean it’s crazy to look so well yet be obsessed about your looks so much (yet who am I to speak…).

Quote:So let me close by slightly modifying what I said previously: It's easier to add hair to a balding head than it is to add emotional IQ to a damaged psyche.

True.

Well man I can relate to you a little bit. In h.s. My hair was a mess, I was thinning and it was kinky hair, My hair really ruined me. i wouldnt even go to places that I couldnt wear a hat. My hat was my confort zone. When I had a hat i felt great about myself, but without the hat, I felt like pure crap. I probably would still feel that way if it werent for hair systems. u have to do what makes you happy. and those who might have a problem with that, you do not need. There is many fish in the sea. Dont follow along with the wrong person because you recently came out of your shell. You have to drop your previous attitude and lifestyle. Fresh start. have to conquer your insecurities and the rest will fall into place i promise.

Thanks Xenon

It's possible, Jonesy, that sharing your mutual vulnerabilities and insecurities could be a window of opportunity for considerable personal and relational growth. Your honesty, your story, your sincerity, your concern, could blow her mind and her heart -- and vice verse. Authenticity is a powerful thing. And she's cute AND rich -- think of the upside!