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+--- Thread: Nothing to lose (/showthread.php?tid=5732)
Nothing to lose - Dario Libre - 04-19-2013
I'm 35 now and have felt a certain degree of sadness since my hair started to begin breaking up with me when I was 21. I remember my friends saying, "Oh, it looks like you're going bald, just shave your head". Well, I've shaved my head, again, and again, and again. And each time I do it I feel like I don't relate to the reflection staring back at me. As my hairline continues to disappear I now finally accept that it is not coming back, and there is no current way to effectively do this from what I have relentlessly researched. I have read many medical journals hoping that in the recesses of some hidden lab that real experiments are being undertaken to relieve modern man from the plague of baldness. I know that for some men being bald is no big thing, but I have been trying to tell myself it is no big thing since my friend's comment many years ago. But here I am looking for a way to feel normal again, it's been so long. I have a great career, an amazing wife, nice house, and many friends, but even though I feel I have so much, this darn hair thing sure gets me down at times. I wish it didn't and I could just move on. Like I said, I've shaved my head hundreds of times, and I just don't like the way it makes me feel. I hate being identified as the bald guy.
Sorry for being so long, I guess I am using this as a venue to vent some of the frustration I have felt as a bald man. So, I bought a hair system last week from a vendor here in Canada (though I plan to order online here once I get the hang of it). I put the hair system on a few times since I got it last week and even though it wasn't cut in, when I looked in the mirror I smiled a smile that I hadn't seen in a while. I felt like the handsome guy who used to turn heads in the supermarket was back. Boy do I miss those days. Before I write a long chapter I just want to ask a quick question. I am growing my hair out now to be able to make this system look natural, and I am wondering how long I need the hair on the side of my hair to be? Just looking for an estimation if I should let my hair grow for at least a month (last shaved with #1 clipper) before I put the system on? Also, I am so sick of the feelings of being bald that honestly I don't care if people know I have hair taped (or glued) to my head. I'm sure it beats the feeling of being bald.
I am thankful for this site, and for all of the candid and instructional input you all provide. I'm looking forward to giving this hair wearing a real fighting chance. I realize that there is maintenance but I am so tired of maintaining my unhappy feelings about my hair (and pretending I don't care), so I would happily trade this for the happiness (with upkeep) that many of you seem to have. Once again, sorry for the long rant, it felt good to actually get this off my chest after many many years.
RE: Nothing to lose - Hersute - 04-19-2013
Hey Dario,
Lots of us can totally identify with your experiences.
There's a reason why Samson lost all his strength when Delilah chopped off all his hair!
Its not just hair, its self image, choice, lack of control, other people's perceptions and a whole bunch of other stuff too.
The thing that got to me most was not having hair and so being unable to style it to express who I felt I was and how I wanted to be seen.
Anyway, all that can change.
I started wearing just a bit younger than you and I feel so lucky that I could reinvent my appearance and more importantly my self image these last 18 years.
I've never forgotten how low I felt previously and its good to remember because that can motivate you on the days you're having issues with wearing.
Do you have a hairstyle you're ultimately aiming for?
This would probably determine how long your side and back hair needs to be to get the right blend.
Lots of wearers have a mop of hair on top and quite close-cut, buzzed sides and back.
Its perfectly 'do-able'.
But I find slightly longer casual hair (sides & back 2-3 inches) easier to maintain, control and blend.
The shorter and crisper the style, the more effort needs to go in to keeping it looking that way.
This might be a consideration for someone just starting out and getting used to wearing, when you don't want too much to think about.
So while it might feel a pain to have to wait that bit longer to get started, you might benefit from it in the long run.
Hope this helps.
Welcome to the forum and the best of luck.
Keep us posted please!
RE: Nothing to lose - Paul In Ireland - 04-20-2013
Dario.... I concur with Hersute regarding the length...... the shorter you cut /style a system, the less ` forgiving` it can be ...you can end up with a ` stubble` look... I know you`re probably anxious to get going with wearing, now that you have a system to hand, but I`d leave your own hair grow out a bit more,even if it takes that bit more time ...it`ll make blending-in easier.......without seeing pics of your own hair [when it grows] and the system, it`s hard to give any tips/advice on whether or not you may have to thin the system a little..... what density did you buy ?
RE: Nothing to lose - antywanty - 04-20-2013
I love to read posts like thease,
they echo my feelings,
hell its so hurtfull to have the female attention switched off.
when you've wallowed in it.
the confidence wearing gives me , awww I cant really express, im just so pleased I went through with what is a difficult personal step,
you have to come to terms with the whole wearing psychology.understand it,
see the bigg picture, its more than hair, its well a second chance,
not many folk take,
I like many here took that step, Petrified, worried is a understatement.
today my hair is something now I control my body doesn't, so male pattern baldness fe** you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iv been suicidal at times,
please don't apoligise for a second, for being "long" in youre post,
you've found hope, an answer, the remedy to the baine of youre life,
youre passion comes through in youre post.
like me and just about everyone on this forum who have taken this route, youll look in the mirror and yes youll be extatic, exited, confident,at ease with the world,
and that's why we wear,its a feeling.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a dam bloody good one at that.
enjoy Anthony
northeast uk
RE: Nothing to lose - Dario Libre - 04-20-2013
Thank you guys so much for the replies, your words are very encouraging and they help me realize that I have the chance to put an end to the unnecessary self-deprecating feelings I have due to hair loss. I live on an Island and I spent the morning in my boat out on the ocean and all I could think about was, "Grow hair, grow". My hair has been growing for 2 weeks now, and as you guys say, the longer my hair is the easier it will be for me. So here I am patiently waiting for my hair to get to a decent length. To be honest I can hardly wait now that I have made the decision to take the plunge. I feel confident that it is a plunge that I won't regret. My title for this post was "nothing to lose", and I feel this is true. I've lost so many hours of happiness due to being down on myself about my hair loss, and if for some reason the system doesn't work out, I always have the dreadful buzzers waiting for me. However, I hope to never use them again, that is the whole reason I am here. Take care guys and have a great weekend. I see from the posts that we are an international group of blokes, so wherever you all are, all the best.
-Dario
RE: Nothing to lose - Hersute - 04-20-2013
Dario,
I wrote something in this thread that may be of interest to you regarding spending inordinate amounts of time thinking about your hair.
It may help when you do start wearing:
http://forum.toplace.com/showthread.php?tid=5725
RE: Nothing to lose - Dario Libre - 04-21-2013
Many thanks Hersute. I'm planning on letting my hair grow for about another 3-4 weeks (for a total of about 6 weeks). I'll keep you guys posted once I make the transition.
RE: Nothing to lose - winstonage - 04-22-2013
Dario, once you get going you will love it. Your confidence factor will go thru the roof! I am 61, not a bad looking guy, but no George Clooney! How do you think I feel when I see a strange attractive woman who is probably 15 years younger then me, give me a smile. With out hair she wouldn't even notice the old bald guy. lol.