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+--- Thread: How would you respond to this statement? (/showthread.php?tid=5343)
How would you respond to this statement? - drew100 - 08-06-2012
So I have just started a wearing week ago. I have mixed emotions about whether or not i should continue as I have had a very mixed experience thus far. Anyways, once I started wearing I immediately told my parents. My dad was great, he said he didn't mind the piece and If I like it I should continue and do what I think is best for me. My mother on the other had absolutely freaked out. She said she hated the hairpiece and I should never resort to gluing fake hair on my head. She told me to just accept it and love who I am. Has anyone ever told you that in regards to your choice to wear hair? Just 'accept it and love who you are'. What do you say to that? I replied that I do love who I am I just like the look of hair and enjoy the look it gives me, also I am in my 20's and want to look my best. As fellow hairweaers how would you guys respond to these negative comments made toward you and dealing with an usupportive person?
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - Spartan - 08-06-2012
Do you have any pictures? I can then give more constructive criticism.
But going on the assumption that,
a) Your density is correct
b) Your colour is correct
c) Your blend and style looks good
then....ignore the naysayers.
You are in your 20's, you want to look good. If you look good, you feel good, if you feel good, you do awesome!
Work on the inner game too, so if someone does find out...they can't make you ever feel inadequate. By this I mean, develop other sides of your personality, have some come back responses. Always have a a back up pieces, and make sure you're enjoying your 20's....they only come ONCE.
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - Hersute - 08-06-2012
Comments & opinions from Parents & some relatives are not unbiased opinions.
They have emotions involved in their thinking & responses that have nothing to do with hairwearing itself.
It would be unlikely that you could get a true uncomplicated reaction from a parent. They have all sorts & cares and concerns mixed in with how they'll respond.
You might be desperate to become a sky diver and it could be the absolutely perfect, most life fulfilling thing you could ever do. But your mother wouldn't ever be able to see that & wish you well, because she'll be blinded by her love & fears etc. for you.
If you came home and showed her a new tattoo, she's not going to be able to stand back and admire the way it curls around your left nipple!
All she'll be thinking is "Oh god! What if it gets infected"!
This is a reaction to the idea or principal of something and not to the actual thing itself.
Its the reaction of strangers, friends and the people you come in to contact with daily that will be a better gauge.
But more importantly, its how it makes YOU feel that really matters.
Obviously I don't know your Mother, but I imagine she (like most women) does something to enhance her appearance every day.
Ask her to stop and to love herself for who she is.
This might help her to have some better empathy for you.
Also, you might need to help her understand how hair loss has made you feel.
In her defence, she hasn't had the thoughts & journey that you've had to reach the decision to wear hair.
Its just come out of the blue for her and she won't necessarily have understood your hairloss to have been a problem for you, so its even harder for her to see this as a solution.
EVERYONE has something about them they'd like to change or improve if they could.
Unfortunately not everyone can naturally translate that to someone else's situation.
Sometimes you have to remind people of the things they do & have said about themselves to get them to better understand what you're doing and why.
Its exactly because of those types of comments & reactions that I don't tell people I wear hair.
Its not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed.
Its because I don't feel inclined to justify myself to people who haven't (or won't) taken the time to truly understand.
You just know that they'll say something like "But bald men can be sexy" or "You should love yourself for who you are".
These are things that people just trot out of their mouths and have nothing to do with you as a person or an individual.
It tells you more about the person saying it, than it does about the person they're directed at.
Most people give advice & make comments based upon themselves and their knowledge, their feelings & their experience.
Its very rare to find people that can advise you by ignoring themselves and thinking what is actually the best thing for you.
So always put other people's comments in to perspective before letting them affect your feelings & decisions.
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - Idlewild - 08-06-2012
Great post Hersute! What you said applies to many things that people have opinions on, many of them uninformed.I had a girlfriend once who had suffered terribly at the hands of her former boyfriend and so we had some relationship issues.Many of my well meaning friends just assumed she was a bitch and told me to get rid of her without knowing even the tiniest details about what she had been through,people just love to assume.
Drew100 it is entirely down to how YOU feel, you are in possession of all your thoughts and feelings that had led you down this path, you really only have one question to ask yourself, are you happy with how you look now you have the piece?
If the answer is yes then you have nothing to worry about.
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - Baldrich - 08-07-2012
You almost certainly haven't given your mother the full picture. In our culture, with its hostility towards men who wear hair, the only men who go to the lengths of getting themselves fitted with a hairpiece are those for whom hairloss has been a seriously painful experience. It's not a mere act of vanity like getting your teeth whitened (which is how your mother is looking at it), but a cure for a debilitating condition.
But this is an unspoken truth except in places like this. It's impossible to explain this to anyone who hasn't suffered it, and probably best not to try. No man could discuss this stuff with his mother. Interesting that your dad gets it though.
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - Hersute - 08-07-2012
I have to say Baldrich that I respect your point of view, but its not one I share entirely.
When I was young and was losing my hair, I think I would have agreed with you 100% about how it feels.
But for me that has long since passed and I now see hairwearing as just an optional enhancement and not a cure for an affliction.
I think this attitude is becoming (slowly) more prevalent amongst the young who have grown up in a society that has embraced self improvement.
As for a mother never being able to fully understand, again that wasn't my experience.
We had several long discussions and my mother was able to fully understand my distress.
She even offered to donate some of her own hair follicles (thinking that might be possible) when I went for my transplants..
I don't think you can get more understanding than that!
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - Baldrich - 08-07-2012
Nice story Hersute.
You're right of course; I am talking about the angst of the first year or so of wearing. As you get used to it it becomes part of you, and you no longer look for validation from third parties.
Nice story Hersute.
You're right of course; I am talking about the angst of the first year or so of wearing. As you get used to it it becomes part of you, and you no longer look for validation from third parties.
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - drew100 - 08-07-2012
Thanks for the very detailed responses guys, this has been a roller coaster since I decided to try it. I think the comment that Hersute made about mothers and women in general trying to understand hairwearing is pretty accurate, over the last week I have discussed this topic with my mom so many times but she still takes a stand that it is fake and unnacceptable. My dad, who I mentioned has been understanding through this process is actually very bald himself. He told me that since he went bald in his late 30's it never bothered him. However, he realizes that people have cosmetic procedures to look good and as long as I wasn't scarring myself with surgery it was alright. The thing about hairwearing in my first week was that my hairpiece that I am wearing is not the best out there. When I received it out of the box it flowed well and the it seemed like a realistic density. Once my stylist cut it in, it just looked off. There were clumps of hair sticking up and I couldnt brush it back or style it in multiple ways because it seemed like it was stuck, also the texture of the real hair and fake hair did not match. That being said, I wore it to work and around my friends. Only one person made comments asking if I got a new hairstyle. I will post a pic which is me trying to expose the hairline, as well as one from above and you can tell me what you think.
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - antywanty - 08-07-2012
hmmm, in a nutshell people making comments using logic with not a lot of emotion attached
and probably unintentional prejudice, lack of education,dated values regarding wearing,
only two people know i wear, my mother, 100% supportive, as she’s watched me struggle and seen the despair, tears, of dealing with my receding hair,my hair salon who I purchased the system, cutting in, + bond.
I suppose its a lot like telling someone you first meet, I’m gay!or I murdered someone,
you know that if you wait until they know you as a rounded person, and see the whole person,
This is similar to the advice don’t tell your partner until you become involved so there not just the man with a hair piece there losing it’s the complex whole person they’ve come to know
the complete package not just a superficial portion of it.
I feel so much compassion for you and I’m so sad that you’re mother has not come to terms with it at the moment.
it will grow on her unlike you’re hair.
as a wearer of nearly 2 years in oct 2012,iv no regrets except the debonding process which I detest , but it’s a means to an end,
would I recommend wearing , hell yeaH!!!!
feelgood factor immeasurable
RE: How would you respond to this statement? - drew100 - 08-07-2012
So here's some pics of the piece. The hairline pic is me trying to brush my hair back all the way, but as you can see it does not not move back naturally. The pic from up above is one where you ca see how my real hair at the back is separated from the fake hair at the front.