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+--- Thread: The Psychology of Wearing (/showthread.php?tid=819)
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - dino - 05-29-2009
Sam...I like your post you directed to me. Very funny!! And you make some good points, including about taking it too seriously. We will have to get that beer when you visit the U.S. But what I meant when I said it's okay to deceive others is when they ask you DIRECT questions like the following (all of which have happened to me in my 17 years of wearing):
(In a group of blokes , all with thinning hair) "Man you're lucky you still have all your hair. Is it real?" or "Man you're lucky you still have all your hair. What's your secret?"
(After getting a new piece that is noticeably longer than the one you wore the day before) "Man your hair grows fast. You get extensions?"
(After getting a new piece that is noticeably more dense than the one you wore the day before) "Your hair looks different. WHat did you do?"
(In front of my late 30's aged friends who are all going gray while I wear my full cap with no gray). "How are you thirty-nine and have no gray?"
dino
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - Sester - 05-29-2009
(In a group of blokes , all with thinning hair) "Man you're lucky you still have all your hair. Is it real?" or "Man you're lucky you still have all your hair. What's your secret?"
Sams reply: haha nah I buy my wig from the local grocery store haha. Nah actually i had thinning hair couple of years ago till i started on a med called propecia, has helped me alot though..OH! did you hear what happened to so and so!?!?
(After getting a new piece that is noticeably longer than the one you wore the day before) "Man your hair grows fast. You get extensions?"
Sams reply: hahaa no, but my cousin actually tried it once and its supposed to really hurt! Although I would be open to a transplant when i get old and bald..haha what about you guys?
(After getting a new piece that is noticeably more dense than the one you wore the day before) "Your hair looks different. WHat did you do?"
Sams reply: Oh! I bought this really cool hairspray, adds volume to dry and and brittle hair! I guess it really works, but its DAM expensive!! bloody rip offs, what is it these days with everything going up in price! Hey guys, whats your take on the current economy crisis??
(In front of my late 30's aged friends who are all going gray while I wear my full cap with no gray). "How are you thirty-nine and have no gray?"
Sams reply: yeah guys i wish!! nah my uncle actually recommend a good hair dye for those nasty grays, although i actually reckon it can look quite good on some ppl remember, Richard Gere in pretty woman..looked awesome!
Dino mate, ITS NOT ANYONE'S BUSINESS. A bit of misdirection is not going to be a sin. DO i feel any of the above is dishonest and deceptive, not in a million years. DIno mate, you gotta be smart about these things, dont be a sucker to life, (im not saying u are at all)
It's a bit like being a magician, every second word that come out of their mouth when they are doing a trick is misdirection. They have the right to protect their livelihood and their secrets, after all its no ones business how its really done! I was a professional magician for quite a few years, so I may be used to 'misdirecting', but anyone can do it, and i feel is perfectly OK, especially when its your own personal issues and privacy, and your not hurting anyone!
You know your a good person. You have suffered with hairloss, and have had the courage to do something about it for YOURSELF. You have no responsibility to your friends or most of your family to tell them about your personal stuff. Its that simple. Mate the way I see it, life is REALLY a game, of which you have no choice but to be in it. Those who play can do well, and those who dont, well... most of them get the short end of the stick.
In 17 years if thats all the questions you got, your doing well mate!!
Again, its not about 'fooling' anyone then going home and laughing at them for not knowing, its about having the right to maintain your privacy.
Be smart guy!!! dont let your minds run you into the ground PLEASE!! CONFIDENCE boys!
Sam
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - dino - 05-29-2009
Sam, I appreciate your explanation about it being nobody's business. And that's what I meant when I posted initially. So I agree with you! Thanks mate.
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - Sester - 05-29-2009
ah ok cheres Dino, i probably read it too fast and got a different impression.
But really in 17 years if thats all the questions you got, that's pretty darn good.
Hope when i reach the 17 year mark i'll have as few questions as you have had mate!
Sam
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - dino - 05-30-2009
I WISH that was the worst of it, Sam. I have actually gotten busted many many times in the 17 years. Hairpieces for the average bloke were not nearly as undetectable back in the early 90's as they are now. But I made it through, and now it's a pleasure.
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - TomBongi - 05-30-2009
Mathew...
I know how you feel. The reason I felt like a fraud was not becasue I was wearing hair but because I was trying so hard to hide it. I took the opposite tact as most. I revealed I wore if someone asked. Just the other day a bald guy and I were talking and he said "wow you are lucky to have all your hair at you age"...LOL I replied, "no I am lucky to be able to afford hair," He thought transplant. I said no I would not think of changing my body permanently under any knife. At my age a lot of guys especially talk about hair becasue many are just beginning to lose theirs. Not the guy who balded out in their 20's. So they are "walkin with a limp" so they notice how "others walk"....... ie look at other guy's hair...... The point I am making is I don't feel like a fraud becasue I am NOT a fraud. I'm not hiding anything anymore than a woman who wears lipstick is hiding her bland flesh colored lips. We KNOW her lips are not that red and shiny.
Its a little trickier with guys. But easier in some ways for young guys TODAY. I sometimes think young guys are actually plucking their eyebrows and wearing make up nowadays. Everyday make up. Now if THAT is acceptable for a guy........................ a wig is not all that far behind...ya think?
So yeah everyone around me knows I wear. And IT'S NO BIG DEAL. People don't make jokes about UNTIL I DO. Plus I don't worry about detection. I don't fuss about my hair. I ride a motorcycle and it gets messed up....OH well. I don't BRING ANY ATTENTION to my hair. But I do make sure it does NOT draw attention and keep it NATURAL looking and normal in that its not perfectly styled and looks like I need a hair cut all the time. NO ONE has ever asked me IF I wear... That's important because I AM IN CONTROL of how and when I reveal.If someone ever were to ask I would flat out ell them "Yeah....whats wrong? You hear an Oriental screaming for her hair back? LOL"
....You are a performer..Even MORE reason you have an "excuses" Performer do all kinds of things to market themselves. Some even wear a ton of make-up in that quest.
The point is if you just came out and said "yeah I'm wearing a wig..................... and????" I think people will see how confident you are and it WILL disarm them. Will a few laugh? Sure they will, but you can remind them that their faces cannot be changed as easily as your hair....LOL. When someone really wants to know why I wear (as opposed to if) I always tell them the same thing...
"Go to a museum and look at ANY really nice work of art..........See how nice the frame is? See how the frame makes that work of art even more valuable and beautiful?
Now look at this face...does it not deserve a beautiful frame?"
Works like a charm......shows confidence and humor. Not arrogance or conceit. Both of which are extreme turn ons for women. Far more than hair or a pretty face....Most women do not like "primping men". They won;t mind you are wearing Number one- IF YOU DON'T and Number two - if you are not obsessed with it.
Don;t let your wig own you....You own it. If you feel fake with it its only becasue you ARE fake hiding it. OWN it. Be PROUD of it. Display it proudly and you will fond no one really cares at all........but if THEY discover it on their own............. they will be whispering behind your back and everyone will be checking out your head and taking bets....feel better? LOL
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - Sester - 05-30-2009
If you feel fake with it its only becasue you ARE fake hiding it. OWN it.
I respect your opinion but couldn't disagree with you more.
Sam
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - downundersyd - 05-30-2009
hey sester, you from syd??
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Re: The Psychology of Wearing - Sester - 05-30-2009
But I made it through, and now it's a pleasure.
DIno thats the main thing mate. Im very lucky to have found toplace and i only really started losing hair in 2000.
Well its on to good times for both of us now mate,
Downunder, I am from sydney. I'll drop u an email soon.
Sam
Re: The Psychology of Wearing - TomBongi - 05-30-2009
Sester Wrote:If you feel fake with it its only becasue you ARE fake hiding it. OWN it.
I respect your opinion but couldn't disagree with you more.
Sam
Yeah you and I am sure the majority of others. But we do what works for us individually.
Mathew may appreciate another point of view. I believe in being real. Part of being real for me is not hiding who I really am warts and all.
I make what I feel is a better presentation with a head of hair. But thats all it is. A presentation of myslef as I want others to see me. Not who I really am. I really am bald..... That's the reality. If people know that, really what difference does it make. They don't like me or hate me any less or more. They don' treat me any differently. And in all cases they are impressed and thusly I feel like I am actually lessening the "stigma" of "toupee's for wearers who's biggest fear/humiliation is of being busted.
And the most important thing is.... I feel better about myself if I don't have to lie or BS people to sqeeze out of a tight spot Too much anxiety for naught.
Anyway I think people close to us are smarter then we give them credit for. They for the most part won't dare ask someone about their "limp" even if they think you don't know they know.. Its a cat and mouse BS game I decided when I stated wearing I was not going to play and trade one anxiety for another.
Breast Implants are very obvious to the eye and the touch.......yet no one cares really. Women will freely admit to implants and chat it up and show them amongst their friends and that is a far more invasive procedure on a far more private part of the body. Thats the tact I take wearing hair. The bottomline I am not ashamed of being bald. Shame leads to humiliation.....If one is not ashamed I would say remove the piece with some friends and notice your feelings. If you are ashamed or humiliated you have work to do. I have done that very thing and we all had a good laugh. For me it boils down to I simply believe I look and feel better with it and don't care who knows it. When they see me without it....they agree.