JRob,

If you could use only concealers to hide your baldness (and it had given you the appearance of a head full of hair, even though reality is FAR from it), would you have been as keen to reveal the fact you use concealers to all ?

My thought is that you will say "no", at least that's the answer most guys will tell. And the reason, why should people tell they have a hair problem (and then continue: "but you don't see this problem, because I use concealers"), if no one has ever seen this problem in the first place ? (since they used concealers from an early enough stage). Why try to fix something that ain't broken (or at least nobody else apart from you know it's broken) ?

I think the same thought applies to the wig. If you are doing a *smooth* transition between your real hair, to the wig’s hair, you again face the same question that those who use concealers face: Why try to fix something that ain't broken ?, *nobody* knows that I’m bald, why should I tell ?

But, JRob, your situation is different, you first went bald, only then got the wig. Your family and friends (and probably a bunch of strangers) know the truth about your wig, so what’s the point of trying to hide it from new people ?, you don’t have a chance to control who knows and who doesn’t to begin with.

This is why I believe that people in your situation, and I think most people that wear a wig are in your situation, should indeed don’t care about who knows and who doesn’t, because this control is not in their power to begin with. And yes, it's not such a bad position to be in. To me, the hardest thing is for you to let society see that you went bald, but afterwards, if you put the wig and you look younger and more attractive, who cares what they think, fuck 'em !! (sorry)

But, people who do the smooth transition (who aren’t a lot), are in a different situation. From websites like this one, they get the feeling like they can pull this off, the wig could look like the hair it is replacing (at least no worse than what you can get after moderate use of concealers), and hence it becomes a fancy type of concealer for them. These people are more afraid to let society know that they went bald, than they are afraid to let society know they wear a wig if it already knew they are bald.

And please, don’t tell me the use of concealers can’t be compared to wearing a wig. I for example conceal with a combover, and I have more restrictions than with a wig, wind is my enemy, I always have to check in the mirror to see that everything is alright, my haircut never changes and is not stylish, I can’t let girls run their hands through my hair since they’ll see the hoax. I’m actually using a wig of my own hair, only plus is I don’t use glue so it takes less time to apply (sometimes I wish I could, it would have certainly helped with the wind), and of course it costs less. The same goes for the heavy users of toppik and dermmatch, they have almost all the restrictions I’ve mentioned, plus it takes more time to apply.

I never said to conceal the fact you wear a wig from your significant other. What I'm saying is that for guys who look worse without hair, they won't get their foot at the door of many girls. Once they got their foot at the door, they have a chance to show why their personality can compansate on the fact that the base of their hair is lace and not scalp.

I do agree that there is some kind of a problem here (hypocrisy). These guys without hair, could have gone with women who look worse and don't care about the hair, but these guys are superficial and are attracted to more beautiful women (they can't compromise on having good personality only and average looks, they want great looks too), and hence need the hair. After they get their foot at the door of the more beutiful women, they want their personality to make more difference on that woman than the fact that they wear hair, but they are asking her to do something they couldn't do themselves, and this is: not be superficial.

But then I guess, for a woman, dating a guy who looks good but wears hair, might be less of a bitter pill to swallow than for a guy to date a woman that looks bad period. The woman who doesn't want to continue a relationship with a good looking guy just because he wears hair, seems to be more superficial than the guy who can't date a woman because she doesn't attract him.

Jonesy123 Wrote:I never said to conceal the fact you wear a wig from your significant other.

My posts were largely a response to Leamon, who wrote: "The only person that knows (other than my stylist at the time) is my gf (who I have just told RECENTLY...a week ago, actually)."

I don't know how long he's been going out with his gf, but I imagined it's been more than a few weeks, and imagining further the anxiety of not sharing this tidbit of info.

Jonesy123 Wrote:I think the same thought applies to the wig. If you are doing a *smooth* transition between your real hair, to the wig’s hair, you again face the same question that those who use concealers face: Why try to fix something that ain't broken ?, *nobody* knows that I’m bald, why should I tell ?

I did a smooth transition. I started with a topper and I grew my hair out for two months under a hat while I was waiting for my first order. There were a few people i couldn't hide it from. My family, mainly. There were several people who obviously knew i had done something, but they didn't know what. Probably assumed transplants. But there were many more people who would have never had a clue had I not disclosed it to them. Why did I tell them? I didn't run around shouting it from the rooftops, but I slowly told some of these other people when appropriate in conversation. I did it because I personally feel better about it. No hiding anything, and no need to feel ashamed because everyone can see that it looks great.

Quote:But, people who do the smooth transition (who aren’t a lot), are in a different situation. From websites like this one, they get the feeling like they can pull this off, the wig could look like the hair it is replacing (at least no worse than what you can get after moderate use of concealers), and hence it becomes a fancy type of concealer for them. These people are more afraid to let society know that they went bald, than they are afraid to let society know they wear a wig if it already knew they are bald.

There is nothing wrong with keeping a lid on it, you just can't let it become an obsession.

Quote:And please, don’t tell me the use of concealers can’t be compared to wearing a wig. I for example conceal with a combover, and I have more restrictions than with a wig, wind is my enemy, I always have to check in the mirror to see that everything is alright, my haircut never changes and is not stylish, I can’t let girls run their hands through my hair since they’ll see the hoax. I’m actually using a wig of my own hair, only plus is I don’t use glue so it takes less time to apply (sometimes I wish I could, it would have certainly helped with the wind), and of course it costs less. The same goes for the heavy users of toppik and dermmatch, they have almost all the restrictions I’ve mentioned, plus it takes more time to apply.

Actually, you just stated what exactly IS the difference between the two.

I used concealers on my super thin side hair when I wore a topper. It was horrible. I was always worried that it wasn't thick enough, or that people would wonder why my hair looked very dry on the sides.

And that is the difference between a wig and concealers. With a wig, it looks better, and you don't HAVE to be so paranoid.

Quote:JROB said: I am getting ready to release a DVD and Youtube videos, so my face is going to be plastered out there for all the world to see. And you know what? At this point it feels good. I'm actually proud of it!

Way to go Jrob. Actually I think the main reason we are afraid to let people know is because we all have a negative image of wigs.(perhaps because of the many jokes about the obvious wig wearer or the wig that comes off in the wind).
I wish that one day soon, it will be ok to wear wigs. Can you imagine the freedom that will give us? No need to worry about being 100% undectable, and friends can tell you if there is something wrong with your wig today. (the way they would tell you about an unbuttoned fly )

Anyway just want to say that, if more people are like JRob, perhaps one day, we can all wear without fear of letting people know. And anyway, the ones who are most against wig wearers always seem to be the ones who are balding but don't wear hair themselves. :|

undecided Wrote:Actually I think the main reason we are afraid to let people know is because we all have a negative image of wigs.(perhaps because of the many jokes about the obvious wig wearer or the wig that comes off in the wind).
I wish that one day soon, it will be ok to wear wigs. Can you imagine the freedom that will give us? No need to worry about being 100% undectable, and friends can tell you if there is something wrong with your wig today. (the way they would tell you about an unbuttoned fly )

I have noticed that there are a lot more guys out there posting full face pics than when I started this game three years ago. Now granted, the chances of someone you know seeing you on the internet are slim anyway, but it just goes to show that the stigma is slowly dissolving.

I sincerely hope that one day it IS gone. I think we are headed in the right direction.

JRob,

Thanks for your answers. You got guts, what can I say...

Quote:I wish that one day soon, it will be ok to wear wigs. Can you imagine the freedom that will give us? No need to worry about being 100% undectable

I think the only reason why it might become alright to wear wigs, is because we are reaching a level where they become 100% undetectable (at least for the general public). Because you really can't say what's real and what's not, there is much less of a feeling that you need to be ashamed of anything.

At this point in time, I have more confidence in wigs solving the hairloss problem, than HM.

If you could have a full cap, that REALLY could mimic the pattern of hair on a normal head (*with* temples), and it would be impossible to detect by sight or touch, and it would feel as your own hair, and it could be *easily* attached for a period of several days on the head even if your scalp is very oily (you can't do more than several anyway because you need to shave the head), and you could do everything with it (sleep, bath, etc.), and it would last for several months, then that's it for me, I wouldn't ask for more. That's the holy grail for me, and I wonder how far we are from that... maybe even 3-4 years from now ?

Bangless Wrote:My posts were largely a response to Leamon, who wrote: "The only person that knows (other than my stylist at the time) is my gf (who I have just told RECENTLY...a week ago, actually)."

I don't know how long he's been going out with his gf, but I imagined it's been more than a few weeks, and imagining further the anxiety of not sharing this tidbit of info.

Bangless, your insight is very accurate. I didn't want wearing to control me. I didn't want to always be conscious of the piece, where my actions cater to the piece instead of vice versa. I told my gf because, like you've said, sharing intimacy with another person includes revealing your true self to them. Right after I told her, I felt very empowered, almost invincible. I didn't care if people know, because the one that mattered...didn't care. Let me tell you, it was an amazing and liberating feeling. In a way, I unshackled one of things that have confined me. That's why there was a post where I mentioned we should not worry too much about what others think. Wearing shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about.

My family situation is another matter. They don't know because of how I was conditioned growing up. I'm going to leave it at that, as far as family is concerned.

My advice to you, Pete, is to not let the piece control you. It will limit you, but don't let it dictate your every action your every thought. When the time is right, you WILL reveal it to someone. And believe me, the feeling will be amazing. The acceptance will be enlightening.

Leamon

Jonesy123 Wrote:If you could have a full cap, that REALLY could mimic the pattern of hair on a normal head (*with* temples), and it would be impossible to detect by sight or touch, and it could be *easily* attached for a period of several days on the head even if your scalp is very oily (you can't do more than several anyway because you need to shave the head), and you could do everything with it (sleep, bath, etc.), and it would last for several months, then that's it for me, I wouldn't ask for more. That's the holy grail for me, and I wonder how far we are from that... maybe even 3-4 years from now ?

I can tell you right now it's at least 95% as good as it's ever going to get. And that's fine with me, because even 95% perfect can fool almost everyone. Don't think for a second that it will ever be 100% perfect. And that's fine, because what you really have to understand is that even REAL heads of growing human hair are not perfect.

If you saw me walk out of the salon tonight you would have thought I was getting ready to play lead guitar in a rock concert, not coming home to film a DVD about wigs and post on a hair replacement message board.

I am very confident that my hair fools close to 100% of non-wearers (there is always a slight chance someone will pick up on it), and probably 99% of hairwearers. At those percentages, I don't need "perfection". Close is good enough.

JRob,

There are still two big problems that I can see with the full cap:

1. Not being able to do temples. I want to make a transition now from my real hair, but everybody who knows me know that I have temples, people will have very very hard time believing those temples closed overnight. If I could give a template of my current hair pattern, including temples, and could get a 100% matching full cap base, it would be a huge step forward (but doing the temples right is going to be hard, how they end with very thin hairs, I don't think we have the technolody to pull that off today so that it will look real).

The only way I can go to a full cap (in a smooth way), is first get a topper, comb it forward to hide the temples, and then, maybe after 6-12 months, get a full cap instead with its closed temples. This MIGHT work. But still, fully closed temples seems like an awful give away... (unless you're, say, 14 years old).

2. Maintenace. Attaching and removing a full cap is a chore, especially if you go with something undetectable as lace. How much time does it take you to remove and reattach ?, and if you have an oily scalp, you might need to do it every 1-2 days. This is a lot of work. If the maintenance could be reduced to 1 attach/reattach cycle every 4-5 days, it would be heaven.

If these two problems are solved (say in 2,3,4 years), I'm not sure what *I* will have against wigs (and I'm pretty critical).