I met a girl two months ago, really nice one, very good looking (24 y/o). We spent a lot of time together, and at some point came to talk about hairloss (not mine, she doesn’t know since I conceal). She told me her father suffers from hairloss, and he looks real bad without hair. I asked her if he wears a wig (since when I saw him he had hair), she told me, and I quote: "no, my father will NEVER do a thing like that, he went for HT", I felt a lot of negative emotion in her voice toward the wig, and didn't really wanted to ask why... It kind of scared me though (as a future wearer) that young girls go with such a negative feeling about the wig... (since after all, one of my main reasons to get the wig in the first place, was to be more comfortable with girls, and if this will create the opposite effect, then it will be pretty absurd).

In any case, as things look now, something might develop between us in the following weeks (at first she didn't think about us seriously, now she's starting to change her mind...). The thing is, what do you think will happen if I switch to a wig in the following weeks ?, after the comment she gave above, I can already hear her yelling (hopefully *after* I tell her I wear) "Jonesy what have you DONE ???, how could you do this ???, blah, blah, blah....". I can't really hide it from her (maybe technically I can, but after I know how she feels about it, it would not be morally right, especially since she’s very good looking and it’s extremely easy for her to find very attractive men who don’t wear wigs, thought they won’t have my character that she likes so much…).

I don’t see a smooth solution to this problem. She keeps telling me to switch my hairstyle (and she’s right, my damn combover is so outdated), but she doesn’t understand that I don’t have hairs on my head to pull off any other style but the current. My only alternative is the wig, which I wanted to switch to before I met her. I guess she’s just the wrong girl for me at this point, it’s just funny that hair is going to keep us apart (and in this special situation a wig doesn't seem to be the answer...).

The even funnier thing (or sad, some might say), is that if she'll give me the option: "shave your head and be with me, or get the wig and be without me", I'll be without her, even though I have strong feelings for her.

Did any girl left you after she found out you wear ?, to tell the truth I never read a story where some girl left a guy after she found out he wears, but maybe people are just too sensitive to talk about it, or maybe prefer to think it was something else and not the fact that she couldn't accept the wig...

The telling women thing is always a concern which comes up here pretty often, and it's something you have to accept as a consequence of your decision to wear--- but it usually never turns out to be that big of a deal in practice if you know the girls are into you and you look good in the piece... that's why you don't read about many problems, I assume. Just get it out of the way early.

In any case, I wouldn't let this one girl have that much influence over what you decide to do whether you get the piece or just get some clippers and trim all your hair short and close (which might look good on you vs. the combover.... who knows).

Quote:The telling women thing is always a concern which comes up here pretty often, and it's something you have to accept as a consequence of your decision to wear--- but it usually never turns out to be that big of a deal in practice if you know the girls are into you and you look good in the piece... that's why you don't read about many problems, I assume. Just get it out of the way early.

The thing is, that if I was a very good looking young woman, then there are so many cute guys I can choose from, why on earth would I want to pick out a guy with a wig ?, as a good looking young woman I don’t see how I would want to do this… even if I, as that woman, thought that the guy looks great with the wig, and really accepted it, why would I want to date someone who does something that get so much resentment from society ?

In reality though I understand that women often don’t think like this… I guess I’m just not very good at thinking like a woman... or maybe I am good at thinking like a woman, only not like a woman who developed strong emotions toward a man (and if that is correct, then getting the wig "too early" out of the way might not be such a good idea...).

Quote:In any case, I wouldn't let this one girl have that much influence over what you decide to do whether you get the piece or just get some clippers and trim all your hair short and close (which might look good on you vs. the combover.... who knows).

I do not want to trim it short, since then people will see I’m balding, and I’ll never be able to switch smoothly to a wig. I simply don’t want to appear bald, ever. I look so much better with a head full of hair, and I feel hair is a part of me, no less than my teeth.

Jonesy123 Wrote:I can't really hide it from her (maybe technically I can, but after I know how she feels about it, it would not be morally right, especially since she’s very good looking and it’s extremely easy for her to find very attractive men who don’t wear wigs, thought they won’t have my character that she likes so much…).

MORALITY? Really!!?? Is wearing hair a notch below Ponzi scheme mastermind? Or two notches below child molester?

You're assuming that until and unless you confess your sin of hair loss you're culpable for the future severe, life-altering emotional trauma that's going to result for her (or some imaginary future woman) when she discovers the secret double life you've been leading. That's actually an insulting attitude to have about anybody you consider to be your partner -- though I know you don't intend for that to be so.

Quote:it’s just funny that hair is going to keep us apart (and in this special situation a wig doesn't seem to be the answer...).

You're demeaning yourself here. Hair or the lack of it is not going to keep you apart. Know that you're maturity and your emotional security is not captive to your hairline. Balding sucks, no doubt, but to believe that that it's going to decide your fate is a lie. Your attitude about it is what is determinative -- regardless of whether you choose to go au natural or become a wearer. Let me repeat that: it's YOUR attitude that's going to decide your romantic success. Unfortunately, too many of us believe that other people are as captive to our insecurities as we are. It's just not true. There are MILLIONS of woman looking for love. And there are also MILLIONS of very attractive and very psychologically healthy woman who couldn't give a rat's ass how thick and luxurious a head of hair you may or may not have. (Sure, some women will insist on this or that physical trait, but that's only some women. Even if the lack of hair was a deal breaker for the majority of women -- and I don't believe that for a second -- there are still an abundant of great woman available.)

Don't be a victim to your hair loss. Do something about it if you want to. But feel good about your choice whatever it is -- not ashamed of it. Carrying around a sense of shame is crippling. I take it you're still very young. Be careful not to waste the years of youth obsessing about how people are going to react to the state of your hair. It's a self-punishing illusion. Your embarrassment is self-generated. Take this to the bank: People are infinitely more obsessed with their own shortcomings (real or imagined) than they are with yours.

Garry Shandling said it best: It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.

Please take this dose of tough love in the spirit in which it was intended.

Bangless,

Thanks for your words.

Quote:(Sure, some women will insist on this or that physical trait, but that's only some women.

But according to how this girl reacted to my question whether her father wears a wig, I can't let go of the possiblity that she insists on her parter not wearing a wig... Now if I go and put a wig without her knowing, after we both know what was her reaction when I mentioned the word "wig", I can't really feel like I'm doing a good thing here. Is my bad feeling totally baseless ?

It's one thing to meet a new girl and not tell, at least at the start (and here I agree with everything you said in your post), but it's another thing to know that she doesn't like the idea, and do it inspite, and in secrecy...

Consider yourself lucky dude. If she likes you without the wig stay the course. If she doesn't like wigs she won't like you wearing one. Some women have an issue having someone else's biology on your head.

Quote:Consider yourself lucky dude. If she likes you without the wig stay the course. If she doesn't like wigs she won't like you wearing one. Some women have an issue having someone else's biology on your head.

Not so simple. She is positive beyond any doubt I have thick hair below the combover. She asked for more than one time to dye my hair with her own hands (in order to get rid of some white hairs that I have that annoy her, since according to her I'm too young to have white hairs). I actually almost said "yes" to her dying my hair since it could have gotten us very close, but then remembered that I'm practially bald on top... Together with some help of toppik and dermmatch I gave her a very good illusion of a thick head of hair (at night!), but sooner or later she'll find out the truth.

I simply feel that she's too superficial, my hairloss won't go with her, there are those girls... If I met her with a wig and she didn't know, I was in a better spot. On the other hand maybe it's better not to have such type of a person as my girlfriend... maybe my hairloss saved me from a broken heart later on...

Jonesy, perhaps she just had that tone in her voice cause she didn't want to be embarrassed. After all, most people when they think of hairpieces, picture the really bad ones and ones that fall off easily in movies, etc.

Get a really good system from here, get a good cut-in and show up on a date with her. I think you may be surprised at the reaction.

I have yet to see anyone on here post pics that don't look great! I am sure you will too my friend.

It is to my experience that no one cares as long as you look good. Period.

Quote: Some women have an issue having someone else's biology on your head.

Quote: Jonesy, perhaps she just had that tone in her voice cause she didn't want to be embarrassed. After all, most people when they think of hairpieces, picture the really bad ones and ones that fall off easily in movies, etc.

Get a really good system from here, get a good cut-in and show up on a date with her. I think you may be surprised at the reaction.

Ok, those two quotes reminded me that I’m a fool. How didn’t I mention the following conversation that we had ???

(This conversation took place when I drove her back from my family’s house, days AFTER the incident when she said her father will “never do such thing”, meaning go with a wig. And I know, it’s amazing how much talk about hair and wigs I had with this girl, even though I did not initiate ANY of this).

I’m quoting the entire conversation from my head, word by word:

Her: Jonesy, does your *censored* wears a wig ???

Me (swallowing my spit unnaturally) : Yes, she started loosing her hair at a very young age…

Her: I would have never noticed, it just that last time I saw her she had a short hair, and today she had long hair, but otherwise I would have never noticed.

Me: Yes, last time you saw her she was without the wig (used some concealers, but I didn't tell her that). It’s hard to tell it is a wig with the wig being real human hair and styled well…

Her: Next time I come, can I try her wig ?

Me: I’ll have to ask her, but I think this will be alright, but why ?

Her: I want to change my hair color when I go out sometimes, but I was told by my stylist that if I’ll dye my hair, I might never be able to regain my exact same color that my long hair has now. If the dark wig of your *censored* will make me look pretty, I might want to buy one and go out with it sometimes… (just to be clear, this girl looks amazingly pretty now with her current hair, I have no clue why isn't she satisfied...)

Me: I think your current hair color looks beautiful, but experimenting is always cool…


Is this crazy or what ???, this is My-Father-Will-Never-Do-This girl talking !!!
She doesn’t seem to have a problem with other people’s biology on her head, she doesn’t have a problem to “fool” people thinking a wig’s hair is her real hair (though she CAN color her real hair to match the wig’s, but she fears she'll never get her real color back), she doesn’t have a problem admitting my *censored* looks great with the wig... yet, Her father will NEVER do such thing…

More important. . .

What non-hair topics do you two enjoy talking about? What are your shared interests and hobbies?

Even with finessed comb-over and concealers and what-not, I take it there's something a little more than skin deep that she likes about you. And what do you like about her beyond her good looks? Then again, for now, her sweet packaging may be all that really interests you, which makes perfect hormonal, young-person sense.

(These are thought questions, you don't have to answer them here.)